Horse walks into a bar

A horse walks into a bar. Bartender says: "So, why the long face? "

A house and chicken

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's Mercedes back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking! A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, "I think I can stand over the hole! " So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, "Grab for my 'thingy' and pull yourself up. " And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety. The moral of the story: If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a Mercedes to pick up chicks."

Gruesome murder

A highly timid little man, ventured into a biker brain the Bronx and clearing his throat asked, "Um, err,which of you gentlemen owns the Doberman tied outside to the parking meter? "A giant of a man, wearing biker leathers, his body hair growing out through the seams, turned slowly on his stool, looked down at the quivering little man and said, "It's my dog. Why? "
"Well," squeaked the little man, obviously very nervous,"I believe my dog just killed it, sir. "
"What? " roared the big man in disbelief. "What in the hell kind of dog do you have? "
"Sir," answered the little man, "It's a four week old puppy. "
"Bull! " roared the biker, "How could your puppy kill my Doberman? "
"It appears that he choked on it, sir. "

A guy walk into a pet store

A guy walks into a pet store wanting a parrot. The store clerk shows him two beautiful ones out on the floor. "This one's $5,000 and the other is$10,000. " the clerk said. "Wow! What does the $5,000 one do? " "This parrot can sing every aria Mozart ever wrote. " "And the other? " said the customer. "This one can sing Wagner's entire Ring cycle. There's another one in the back room for $30,000. " "Holy moly! What does that one do? " "Nothing that I can tell, but the other two parrots call him 'Maestro'. "

A guy walked into bar

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "Listen," he says to the bartender. "If i show you the most amazing thing you've ever seen, is my beer on the house? " "We'll See," says the bartender. So the guy pulls out a hamster and a tiny piano out of a bag, puts them on the bar, and the hamster begins to play. "Impressive," says the bartender, "but i'll need to see more. " "Hold on," says the man. He then pulls out a bullfrog, and it sings "Old Man River. " A patron jumps up from his table and shouts "That's Absolutely incredible! I'll give you $100 right now for the frog. " "Sold," says the guy. The patron takes the bullfrog and leaves. "It's none of my business," says the bartender, "but you just gave away a fortune. " "Not really," says the guy. "The hamster is also a ventriloquist. "

Persistency act

A guy hears a knocking on his door. He opens it up, and no one is there. He looks all around and he finally sees a little snail sitting on the doormat. He picks it up and throws it across the street into a field. Ten years go by, and one day he hears a knocking on his door. He opens it up and no one is there. He looks all around, and he finally sees a little snail sitting on the doormat. The snail looks up and says, "What the hell was that all about? "

Various animal jokes

A fish walks into a bar, the bartender asks,
"What would you like? " the fish says holding his neck,
"Water "."